Baby girl, honey love muffin,
My sweet pastry princess with the haggis and mince stuffing,
When I see you lying on that bed a Trio bar in one hand and a Vimto in the other
Whispering Pearl Jam lyrics as your hot pink fake eyelashes flutter.
That… is Big Sexy.
The way you make me feel like Star Wars Episode 3,
Tripping over my words, dead eyes and just a little bit dirty.
Or like new Star Trek, all lens flare, white plastic, action in motion,
So slick and shiny it’s like sci-fi soaked in baby lotion
That… is Big Sexy
Like squeezing lemon curd on fish, marmalade smoothies,
Roasted horse meatballs on a spit
You’re the apple of my eye, my cherry, steak and kidney pie,
You’re my horseradish aubergine split
That… is Big Sexy
When you turn on that special playlist:
She’s Got Issues, Hey Daddy, The 1960s Batman Soundtrack,
The Best of the Banana Splits, 2 Unlimited’s Greatest Hits,
There’s no no, no no no no, resisting your aural attack,
And that… is Big Sexy

David Creighton-Offord aka Danov Valravn aka Rhyme Criminal #00 00 is an Edinburgh based Rhyme Criminal, embracing the trashy and absurdist end of the poetry spectrum. When not attending slams or writing for others he works in Information Security, where he attempts to educate others on how to protect their data better.


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