What are we looking for?

What is poetry? Who gives a shit. We don’t. Send whatever the fuck you feel like. Aim for no longer than a page because we’re generally too lazy to read more than that.

How do I submit?

Send your poems (no more than three) to¬† (Google won’t let us swear). Please include a bio of around 50 words. We’ll get back to you at some point in the next couple of weeks…probably.

Current Themes

We have some preferred themes. Feel free to ignore them. We will update these every so often but not often enough for them to seem truly fresh.

  • “Kiss From A Rose”- Seal
  • Jacob Rees-Mogg (This is now a competition)
  • Jam
  • Evil Balloons
  • 1759 in Russian Siberia
  • Conspiracy Theories involving Toast (writer note: under no circumstances should this be combined with the theme of Jam)
  • Funky Alaskans

Why have I been Rejected?

Who the fuck knows. We publish anything but we don’t publish everything.

Potential reasons your poem(s) have been rejected:

  • It was really good
  • It was really bad
  • It was really mediocre.
  • You are Carol Ann Duffy